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Sunday, April 24, 2011

DAY 24 - NAPOWRIMO 2011

Posted to Writers Island


FAST

On Friday nights we go to the pub
And meet up with a guy called ‘Fast’ Pete Jones
Asking him to shout up a round is
Like trying to get blood out of a stone

It’s true to say that Fast is really slow
But in a way he can be really fast
He’s always the first to ask ‘Who’s shout?’
But he makes sure he always shouts up last

He times his arrival at the pub
To coincide with the first pint being downed
So he’ll be last in line for the shout
And shouldn’t need to get a second round

Our mate Fast is a man with a plan
On a mission to dodge the rounds
Get drunk as a skunk, eat a takeaway
And all for only twenty pounds

Or sovs, or nicker, or even quid
Whichever slang term you prefer
Or years ago you could have said ‘notes’
When pound coins were still made out of paper

But what’s it gonna be on the menu tonight?
If Fast doesn’t waste his money on a cab
Maybe steak and kidney pudding and chips
Or perhaps he’ll get a doner kebab

He can never rush decisions like these
(We’ll make him buy more beer if we can)
But one thing’s for sure with our mate Fast
He’ll make certain he achieves his plan

Posted by at

21 comments:

  1. vivinfranceApril 24, 2011 at 2:27 PM

    Hilarious. Is he real?

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  2. Stan SkiApril 24, 2011 at 2:45 PM

    Thanks Viv: A question we've often asked him... :)

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  3. Madeleine Begun KaneApril 24, 2011 at 2:55 PM

    Haha! I've definitely known people like that.

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  4. Stan SkiApril 24, 2011 at 3:08 PM

    Thanks Mad Kane: Haven't we all?

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  5. Dave KingApril 24, 2011 at 3:28 PM

    A friend of mine married him, I do believe...

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  6. Stan SkiApril 24, 2011 at 3:38 PM

    Thanks Dave; so there really are more than one...

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  7. Ron.April 24, 2011 at 6:28 PM

    Yeah, I miss my friend Kevin. Haven't seen him in ages, the piker SOB.

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  8. Stan SkiApril 24, 2011 at 6:35 PM

    Thanks Ron; As I thought - we all know (at least) one.

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  9. MaryApril 24, 2011 at 7:03 PM

    Ah yes, Stan. I know a few like this as well! Eats the most expensive meal when someone else is buying!

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  10. Stan SkiApril 24, 2011 at 7:36 PM

    Thanks Mary; I'll just have whatever you're having - he says to the guy drinking vintage Champagne...

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  11. brenda wApril 24, 2011 at 8:30 PM

    Fast, eh? I'd invite him along for fun. My guess is the jokes go his way even when he's present. Interesting how you order rounds, I have never heard of shouting up a round until now. Real life provides good fodder for poetry. Well done, Stan!
    ~Brenda

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  12. AnonymousApril 24, 2011 at 8:44 PM

    Oh, hilarious...sounds like he's mastered the art!

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  13. Stan SkiApril 24, 2011 at 9:55 PM

    Thanks to:
    Brenda; You got him sussed.
    Whenwordsescape; He's certainly some kind of artist...!

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  14. AnonymousApril 24, 2011 at 10:33 PM

    Is he from Warrington, by any chance? My husband complains he's never met more tight-fisted people than those born in Warrington.

    I really liked this one.

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  15. flaubertApril 24, 2011 at 11:35 PM

    Seems we have all met him, Stan. Enjoyable read for my Sunday, thanks:)

    Pamela

    Happy Easter!

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  16. Stan SkiApril 25, 2011 at 1:02 AM

    Thanks to:
    I'mnotaverse; He's known in Warrington...
    Pamela; Happy Easter.

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  17. GloriaApril 25, 2011 at 9:35 AM

    I enjoyed learning lots of your slang in this piece. There were quite a few words not common to us Yanks over here in the States. :) Enjoyed!

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  18. IselfApril 25, 2011 at 12:25 PM

    Don't you just love a man with a mission like Fast Pete Jones :)

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  19. ElizabethApril 25, 2011 at 9:40 PM

    There's always at least one in every crowd. We know him, love him, and hate him all at the same time. Missed this one somehow, but still got a good snicker. Thanks,

    Elizabeth

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  20. Mr. WalkerApril 25, 2011 at 10:48 PM

    "shout up a round" - I like that - we're surrounded by metaphors all the time. Perhaps he needs to fast.

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  21. Stan SkiApril 26, 2011 at 2:04 PM

    Thanks to:
    Gloria;
    Iself;
    Elizabeth;
    Mr.Walker;

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