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Monday, April 18, 2011

DAY 18 - NAPOWRIMO 2011

Posted to Writers Island
Brenda at Beyond the Bozone set us a wordle using the following words:
Silver, phrase, scars, inept, forever, message, flattery, perfume, sprouting, crescendo, crude, recounts


ANNIVERSARY


Unopened package
Contents; predictable

Printed message
‘FOREVER BEAUTIFUL’

Same ironic phrase
Same crude attempt at flattery

This gift of cheap perfume
The same inept apology
He uses every year

Anger taking root
Sprouting dark thoughts
That build to a crescendo
As she recounts the incident…
The cause of those silver scars

16 comments:

  1. Thanks Dave; I played about with the order of the lines, and thought it sounded better this way.

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  2. It does. I do hope this isn't auto-biographical! If it is, my illusions are shattered.

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  3. Thanks Viv; No worries Viv, it's pure fiction.

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  4. A little menacing...I like it.

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  5. Thanks I'mnotaverse; Things like this happen...

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  6. Dark, but well-written. I can just see her sitting there, staring at that unopened package. I like that the last two lines just hint - you leave it to our imaginations.

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  7. Thanks Mr.Walker; Not necessarily a sinister cause - just one that she won't forgive...

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  8. Nicely done Stan, you used the words so well!

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  9. Thanks Andy; Some of them were words I'd used before... :)

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  10. Stan, this is so well written, I didn't even notice the wordle words. The last two lines are dark, yet beautiful.
    "As she recounts the incident…
    The cause of those silver scars"

    Pamela

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  11. I like the poem, how it is written with the short descriptive lines. Got wound up in the images and didn't really look for the wordle words. Very attention getting and effective,

    Elizabeth

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  12. Thanks to:
    Pamela; It started as something else, but a few amendments turned it into this.
    Elizabeth; I saw the images it provoked and concentrated on them.

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  13. This sadly doesn't sound like a very happy anniversary. Excellent imagery in the final lines.

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  14. Great job incorporating all the wordle words in such a compact piece...not forced at all!

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  15. Thanks to:
    Gloria; I was quite pleased with the outcome.
    Whenwordsescape; Compact and fluent was my aim.

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