Re-routed for Monday Poetry Train Revisited 23.02.09
FANTASTIC JOURNEY
The terminal; workstation
The writers frustration
Awaiting thought's arrival
En route to survival
Deprived of sleep
Deadlines to keep
He's one of the toilers
The midnight oilers
Twitching and dribbling
Waking and scribbling
Fragmented dreams
Condense, become themes
Forming the seams
The robust beams
That support continuity
Inspire ingenuity
Ensuring lucidity
Correcting stupidity
Perfecting the presentation
For the reader's imagination
To board transportation
Journey to a destination
Unlike any other:
The world of the lover;
Deceivers outwitted;
Crimes committed;
Nations at war;
An open door
To welcome the Aliens;
Clean-bowl the Australians;
Find ancient pottery;
Win the national lottery;
Whatever your fantasy
Just take a glance and see
Or read between the lines
Enter the field of mines
That when exploded
You'll find are loaded
With all the devices
The virtues, the vices
That expand the mind
Allow you to find
The knowledge you seek
On your quest for the unique
It takes some of us more time to get an education than others!
ReplyDeleteI really like the breathlessness of 'Fantastic Journey' your poetry works well on the web!
You should try Writers Island and Totally Optional Prompts - I think you might get some good feedback from the poets there.
Thanks for your comment sweettalkingguy
ReplyDeleteI already checked TOP, so they might check out Love Song
Feedback would be good
I like Fantastic Journey - it would work well on stage
ReplyDeleteThank you crafty green poet - I hope you've been on many a fantastic journey. Lots more to come, I'm sure.
ReplyDeleteLove your final lines:
ReplyDelete'Enter the field of mines
That when exploded
You'll find are loaded
With all the devices
The virtues, the vices
That expand the mind
Allow you to find
The knowledge you seek
On your quest for the unique'
I agree with Crafty Green Poet. It would sound great at a poetry reading.
Wow that was cool!
ReplyDeletei actually was reading it like a rap song!!
very nice write.
Thanks to
ReplyDeleteJulia Smith; I'll have to try it out loud.
Nairobi; Rap it, or imagine the rhythm of a train in motion.
Such a rollercoaster to get to the unique. Excellent.
ReplyDeleteHi Sean, reads just as well a year on! You could do this as a performance piece in my local pub!
ReplyDeleteDid I say Hi Sean? Sorry about that I meant Sid, (sorry, only joking) I meant Stan!
ReplyDeleteThis rolled off the tongue in a wonderful way, and you captured that 'angst' we all feel while trying to perfect what we've written. Great read!
ReplyDeleteindeed fantastic journey, fun to read out loud
ReplyDeleteLeft me breathless.Hi Stan,I'm Deeptesh from the poetrytrain.Just joined.Chk out my poems 2 at www.deepteshpoetry.blogspot.com
ReplyDeleteThanks to:
ReplyDeleteAnthony North; It's a long journey that's getting longer.
Andy; What's the name of that pub again?
Utopian Fragments; As long as I don't have to sing it!
Deeptesh; Hi, I'll stop off and visit.
I wish I could sing this. I agree with the others, though, you could surely make this a 'performance' poem!
ReplyDeleteHey Stan, am I detecting a little Gilbert and Sullivan in here? The Sorcerer: John Wellington Wells
ReplyDeletevery clever.
Thanks to:
ReplyDeleteTumblewords; I wish I could sing period.
Richard; I'll check that out.
Thanks Fledgling Poet; sorry I missed you out yesterday. I thought writers would relate to it.
ReplyDeleteI stopped by from the Monday Poetry Train. I definitely hear the rhythm in your piece.
ReplyDeleteThanks Sister AE; It's a continuous journey.
ReplyDelete